Lil Miss Big



As a kid you probably craved visits to amusement parks, loved to play in bouncing castles, loved to eat chocolates, scoop ice cream and take walks around with your folks while they buy you everything that passes you by. These probably made up the things you day dreamed about also. Well, GOOD FOR YOU!

As a kid, I knew the difference between beautiful and not so beautiful, handsome and ‘just there’. I knew what it meant to have feelings and you can bet I caught a few of them too *sigh*. However, I was never a fan of amusement parks or walks with my folks. “These things are for children”,I would say to whoever cared to listen, “and I am not a child, I am a big girl”, I would reiterate. They never shut me up. I wish they did! They would just laugh out loud with an expression that I understood later to mean childish exuberance. Then at thirteen it happened.


My name is Daisy and I had my first boyfriend at thirteen. Call me whatever but while you are at it talk to my well manicured hands! I just wasn’t interested in all those ‘childish’ things that kids my age craved. I wanted better things and my ‘ripe’ boobs, hips that don’t lie and my carriage made me a hot cake *bows* Everyone said I had the physique of an already growing woman. Guys of all ages were on my case but I didn’t want just any of them, even though I definitely loved the chase ;). My heart beat for only one… BOLAJI *heaves a sigh*… and so when he asked me out there was no need for fronting! I gave him a straight up YES 😀 He was the SHII!!! Don’t be too quick to judge me though. We all have a flagrant display of childhood stupidity scenes which we replay once in a while(If you don’t have one then you had a worse childhood than I did and if you just replayed yours,  alas! you are not innocent :p ).

Bolaji was 16 years old. Gosh! He was a fine young man. He had the demigod charm of Chris Hemsworth. With such looks I would have been damned if I didn’t fall for him or if he didn’t ask me out. Every girl wanted him but I didn’t, I HAD him. You see, the WHOLE WORLD wanted a piece of my boo. However, the real issue was that my 16-year-old boy wonder of a boo was having fun with all the girls who were ready to play with his ‘joy stick’. At this point I would like you to ask your sister or any girl you hold dear if she ‘knew’ any Bolaji Ademuyiwa a.k.a BJ and while she ponders, say a silent prayer in hopes that she would say NO with all sincerity or else she might just be one of the lucky winners of the childhood curse I placed on all the grown-ups who didn’t let my man be! 😐

Would you blame him though? I didn’t give him ‘the P’ *covers face*. But blame me not either! Need I remind you that I was thirteen? Impetuous, yes. Hungry for a relationship, yes, but I wasn’t  thirsty for sex at that time. I admit I thought I was grown up and my body frame and everyone’s desire to have me didn’t help me realise in time that I was just a basic learner! I just never admitted it. BJ never forced me to have sex with him either. Each time we made out and it was time to go through with the ‘insertion’ part he would look at me for a while and then sprint away from me and then say, “You keep giving me that look” (Till today I never knew what look he referred to though). Then in a voice as dulce as the west wind in harmattan and as soft as a perfectly moulded morsel of fufu he would continue… “How long are you going to remain a V sweetie?” And at that moment all I would want was to be engulfed in BJ’s just-as-hot-version- of- Chris Hemsworth’s- body. Damn! I always wanted to feel his rock solidity on my soft sheen skin. Did I tell you BJ had it big down there? Ooh la la! At 16 it already looked like a large sized Shawarma. Yum! Yum!! Yum!!! I really wanted to bask in the euphoria of our sticky bodies pressed against each other in the serenity of soft moans and dim lights while rhythm and blues played almost quietly in the stereo. I wanted his manly hands around me. I wanted that demi-god-look-alike so bad!!! I wanted to reenact pictures of all the things I had read in novels. But I never did. I wonder why! Maybe it was because I had heard stories of the negative effects of unwanted pregnancies and how females are relegated to the background as a result of teenage pregnancy and shii. No way in hell was I going to give my dad a concrete reason to deposit me permanently in my village somewhere in South-South Nigeria where I would have no other duty but to constantly have a baby sucking on my nipples. Maybe the scary lecture my mum and everyone else had given me about how some teenagers had died in the process of childbirth had engineered my ‘NO-TO-SEX’ Syndrome. I don’t know what the phobia was. I don’t know why I didn’t give in, but whatever the reason was, it definitely outweighed whatever pleasure is said comes with sex. The way BJ would even take my sheer naivety lightly made me even feel more like a winner but damn! He was good…at being crafty! And I was a bloody 13-year-old learner who didn’t know that BJ was living his NAME.

Once I walked into a supermarket on my street with headphones in my ear and NOTHING playing. I always went about like that to avoid small talks with small-minded people *kmt*. Two ladies were shopping and talking about a certain ‘sexcapade’ they had had the previous night with a young man who also lived on our street. Apparently, the trio had a menage à trois. I could feel my ears leaving my body and ‘bolting’ close to where the ladies stood and chatted away with no care whatsoever given to the world. They said a lot about how big the ‘D’ of the guy in their story was and in my mind I was like “that’s cos you haven’t seen my man’s”and I smiled to myself as the picture of Bolaji crept in. They continued and laughed about how the dude kept on saying “Give BJ a BJ ladies”. I heard the name BJ twice but didn’t understand what that meant until one of the ladies unwrapped a sausage, stuck it half way into her mouth and started moving it in and out of her mouth in calculated successions while the other lady giggled and played the role of ‘the BJ’, making sounds and few minutes later she poured out some of the ice cream she had been scooping on the saliva-coated sausage her friend had been ‘working’ with. I understood perfectly! Then suddenly my boyfriend walked in but he didn’t come to me…at least not yet. 

He knew the ladies. The ladies knew him. I mean, they all knew each other. HOW? The ladies seemed ecstatic to see him and they ‘yaayed’ and ‘awwwed’. 

‘Speak of the devil’, one of the ladies said. “Good to see you again”, the other uttered cheerfully. BJ simply muttered something and they all giggled. At this point I was hoping my mind was merely playing tricks on me. Could my boyfriend be the BJ in the story? Naa! “Mere coincidence”, I almost said ALOUD. When the ladies were done shopping they turned to BJ and said, “We would love to have a repeat of what transpired last night” and in a soft west wind tone my BJ replied with ecstasy in his voice…”Sure ladies”. OH NO!!! That was my worst nightmare!!! If my ears were not failing me (and they definitely were not) I had just heard a porn-talk about a lewd scene which featured MY own boyfriend. Oh No!!! BJ finally came to do his shopping and at that point I came out of hiding and pretended to be looking for an item. He was shocked to see me and I could tell by the look on his face that he wanted to ask if I had been there the whole time. “Hi baby”, he said, but I pretended not to hear. That way he would think I was ignorant of any conversation, I thought smartly. I removed my headphones, feigned ignorance and hugged him like I had heard nothing. He had on a smile that read…”Good, she heard nothing”. He couldn’t know that I had heard. No way in hell was I going to confront him in public. What good would it do me?”I would never bring this matter up”, I thought to myself, “Never!”.

Few weeks later I asked about it. I couldn’t melt in silence anymore. I couldn’t! I wanted BJ to tell me the whole thing but all he could say was “Baby, you are my 80 they are just 20… You are my wife material… You’re the only one for me, girl can’t you see.” Looool BJ was quoting lyrics and all that bullsh*t some boyfriends tell their embittered girlfriend when he they have messed up but their bloated ego and sheer grandiloquence won’t let them admit their goof. And then he gave me a peck on my forehead and said, “Don’t worry Daisy, everything will be alright”. He lied! Things only got worse!

I was just thirteen. I wasn’t supposed to be hearing all that much crap. My 16-year-old boyfriend was cheating on me with almost every girl around the block and they were way older than I was 😦

I was drawing close to 14 when I finally made up my mind to live my early teenage years like ‘normal’ children my age. Yes, I finally decided to grow up properly but only after BJ started welcoming the ‘cougars’ even when I was around.  I didn’t need any soothsayer with crystal balls to tell me that my presence was no longer relevant in his life. I didn’t have to put up with such when I was still a hot cake. I left him! But that wasn’t the reason I did. I knew what I deserved and it definitely didn’t include me being in a house with my so-called ‘boo of life’ while he made out with a lady two times his age. I was young and supposedly adventurous but my stupidity level was at an all-time ebb. I began to crave visits to amusement parks. I wanted chocolates and ice cream and most of all I craved my mum’s hug. I wanted my parents 😥

My mum was hardly around. And my dad? Oh! Dad… Always going on one trip after another. I was always left in the care of a house help who was just about my age. I wasn’t one to take orders from her. Naa! Not I! But I was finally ready… to be a child… the child I failed to agree I was… but my parents were done waiting. They had adopted one. Business! The Corporate world was their own baby. It seemed it didn’t complain much. It could be controlled I guess. It probably grew up normally. I didn’t care! I wanted so much for my mum to see me as her baby again. Oh! How I wanted my parents to be all up in my business *sigh* They couldn’t be there for ne but they did me a huge favour  although without knowing it. Few months after BJ and I ended our sad romance my family moved out of the estate. I was happy. It helped me forget…

I am 23 now and I haven’t spoken to BJ since then. I got over him so fast I doubt I was ever in love with him to say the least. I’ve been in other relationships and I never let any of the guys pull the wool over my eye. I can say I turned out just good :). I am banging a 45- year -old widowed man who I love so much. He has asked me to marry him and I have agreed… but the thing is, BJ will be my step-son *sigh* I want to see BJ soon. I want to tell him “Everything will be alright.”




7 thoughts on “Lil Miss Big

    1. Emmmm, awesome but too long 😦 … A lesson for teenagers though and hope this is just some creative fiction cos if it isn’t, 😐 Ill kill him!!!


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